Tuesday, July 15, 2014

I Waited - Till my last breath

His name was Ian. He was 23, and I was 19. I was a sophomore in college just moving into my new apartment when I saw him. He made a habit of smoking on his balcony, which I didn't mind because I knew someday I was going to have enough courage to talk to him. I was so shy. One day I bought a pack of cigarettes, and started smoking, in hopes that he would talk to me- which soon after, he did.



Everyday after that I stood outside his balcony to talk to him. I'm a decently shy person when it comes to men. I'm not awkward, but I'm often referred to as being quiet with an angel face. About 2 weeks into our balcony talks, he turns to go in his house, but before he could I stopped him and surprised myself when I asked,"When can I ask you on a date?" I suddenly got quiet and flustered, mainly because never in a millions years would I say that to any man, but all I could think was that this man must be worth it. He laughed and said,"Whenever you want," and walked into his house. I smiled and walked back to mine.

However, when I did officially ask him, he told me he wasn't ready to date because he was engaged earlier that year and had to break it off due to their differences. I told him I understood, but he made a point of saying that just because he wasn't ready then didn't mean he wouldn't be ready later on, and to not give up. I didn't.

At times, I became frustrated because all I wanted was one date with this man. I knew that I would love him, if he just gave me the chance. But I had to wait, because I new he was worth it, and good things come to those who wait. Three months went by, and I was slowly wearing him down with my charm, but he still came back with "patience is a virtue", and promised me that I would some day have that one date with him.

I always felt bothersome, like maybe I should just take the hint that he doesn't want a girl like me. I waited six months. Still, everyday I was outside his balcony talking about nothing for hours. As much I tried not to give up, he was the one slowly wearing me down. I walked into my apartment one day and saw that my phone had a message on it from him. I'll always remember it, "I never felt like I was enough for anyone, but I know that I'm enough for you, and I'll never stop appreciating you for that." It was the best feeling in the world to read that.

We finally had a date set for our first date. It felt like the most important day of my life. I knew I was in love with him at that point, when one date meant the world to me.

He worked about 45 minutes away from where we lived at a golf course. He knew the roads like the back of his hand. It was Wednesday and I noticed that his car wasn't out in front of his apartment, but I didn't think anything of it, until I got a call from his roommate saying I should meet him down in Lewiston, which was the city Ian worked in. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach something was wrong. On my way down, I had passed a terrible accident involving two semis and what I would find out later to be Ian's car.

It was now Friday, two days after the accident, the day of our first date. My heart felt as if it was melting, it hurt so bad. But I sat outside his balcony and waited for him just like I had for 6 months.

At his funeral, I had the pleasure of meeting his parents. When I told them who I was, his mom smiled and looked at his dad, and said, "This is her". She told me to wait while she grabbed something. It was a letter Ian had written to her 6 months earlier. It was a letter about me. The last line read, "Mom, I'm going to marry this girl."

I waited 6 months for one date with a man that I never got, and I would do it a thousand times again if I had the chance.

Ironman 4 - The Sequel